-Monday April 30th, 2012 

Its all come down to this; wherever I go, however far away I run, I’ll always end up right here again. Sitting in a room full of people yet I’ve never felt so alone before. I’m too tired to keep this charade up and my sanity has worn much too thin for me to run around in circles for what seems like an eternity.

I’m out of places to hide from my fears, every corner I turn, every step I take, every time I close my eyes; the unsettling feelings find a way to tear me up and break me down. 

Its getting harder to pretend that everything’s okay when everything you know has come undone and is unraveling right in front of your eyes. Now matter how hard I try to bury these fears and feelings, they’ll always surface. I’ll always be blindsided and struggle to save my last breaths from escaping these lungs. Maybe one day I’ll find a way to face the shattered bits of my life and slowly piece them back together. Maybe then I’ll stop and make the right decision about you and me instead of being barely able to look you in the eye. I’m sorry that I’ve left you hanging all this time.

If only there was a way to tell everyone how confused and lost I’ve been…

It’s a killer inside , as I’m watching you slide out my hand
You’re slipping away, as I’m watching you fade 
Please hold on, if I’m losing you now, I won’t give till I’m out
You’re my world, I’ll shoulder your pain 

Be still my love, they can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love

Now a stranger between, I can’t get to you please 
Don’t fade off, can’t stand to lose you 
I don’t know what to do for your bleeding
We’re up all night, sleep all day
We won’t care, whatever you say
Our love, is ocean sized

Be still my love
They can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love

I won’t do no harm and I won’t do you wrong
I want you to come, cause you’ve been gone to long
Try to revive and bring you back round
No, you are gone, deep underground
And nothing could ever be the same again
Oh, I miss you my valentine
Lately, so heavy without you

Be still my love 
They can never take us
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
Be still my love 
Be still my love
Be still, be still, my love
Be still, be still, my love

Let’s take it back to the start. Where did it all go wrong? When did you become so distant and cold? Why didn’t I see all of the warning signs? 

I miss the way things were - so perfectly perfect. But now all that’s left are our doubts, your past, and my fears. We’ve become two lovers that are now strangers.

Is this the way things will always be - sick cycle of misery and loneliness? This was built to be broken down, just like how the fake smiles are meant to fool no one else; but ourselves. 

-March 1st, 2012

“Love will tear us apart.”

I hate having good dreams. I rather have nightmares… ‘Cause waking up from a nightmare is a relief, whereas waking up from a good dream is detrimental. I hate having dreams where I’m feeling emotions that I’ve longed to feel for so long and where I’m with someone who I can honestly say I care for.. Or even, love. Waking up from feeling such sincere and surreal feelings that are merely impossible to feel in reality is heartbreaking. I’ve come from having everything I’ve ever wanted to being pulled back into an empty and lonesome reality where I’m utterly sad and alone again.